January Jones first appeared on my horizon as Frosty the Snow Bitch, I mean Betty Draper, in Mad Men. Now Frosty quickly became my favourite character on the show because she reminded me of the women who live in my hometown of Greenwich, Connecticut. Yes I know the Drapers live in Ossining, New York, but for all intensive purposes it’s the same damn thing. For those of you not in the know,Greenwich is an extremely affluent suburb of New York City and is known for having a large number of people who regularly engage in the rectal transport of steel rods. To put it in a better perspective, it is the town where they filmed the Nicole Kidman version of Stepford Wives.

One of my favourite childhood stories is the tale of one Greenwich wife (who met her older Wall Street hedge fund husband while working as an airline stewardess, bless her heart) who was over-served one night at a dinner party and fell down a flight of stairs. Now Drunky thought she was the Queen of  Greenwich, and acted as such, despite the fact that she was the lead character in a real-life production of Coffee, Tea, or Me. Now this was the kind of woman that wore Versace to the gym, Drove a Mercedes G-Wagen and had 2 nannies for her only child, so descending a staircase on her well toned ass is not her usual M.O. Her little fall would have gone completely un-noticed except for the fact that she landed in front of one of my mother’s good friends, a blue-blood brit who has very little respect for fake women, particularly bottle-blonde stewardesses who snare married men. So it was only natural that she looked down her nose, sighed, and muttered in her perfect  English accent “pathetic”. Now I bring this story up only because I could TOTALLY see Frosty doing the exact same thing.

I mistakenly assumed that January herself was a Connecticut WASP who just happened to land the perfect job playing the 1950′s version of herself. Little did I know that Frosty the Snow Bitch was not what she seemed! In fact, she is a crazy from South Dakota, who grew up on a farm. In my mind her journey down hot mess boulevard began at birth, as she was named after a character in a book who, how do I put this politely, gets plugged more than a surge protector. According to a November 2009 Interview in GQ “Her parents plucked it [her name] from the lead character in Jacqueline Susann’s Once Is Not Enough, a romantic novel that climaxes with a drug-fuelled, ellipsis-filled orgy. (‘Someone was spreading her legs…in and out…in and out…fuck…suck…everyone was loving her.’ January: ‘Imagine realising you’re named after that character.’)” I have a feeling the name is what started Miss Jones’s descent into hot mess land.

My love for this nutcase grew like the Grinches heart as I found out she likes to throw a 12 pack of Coors Light down her throat on a regular basis (her record is 26), go to Chili’s and watch Football. In another great story from the GQ interview she describes getting so hammered on a plane that she and a friend were chewing snuff and playing quarters. Who would guess that she was subsequently cut off by the flight attendants. This is definitely not a WASP from Connecticut. Oh yeah, she also really likes fire. Now this is a gal after my own heart!

Surge Protector, I mean January, tumbled deeper into hot mess land last year when she decided to take out some parked cars with her Land Rover at 3AM. Now I’m not one to talk smack about anyones driving ability, as I fail at it on a regular basis, but it’s what she did AFTER those parked cars just came out of nowhere that’s more than a little amazing. According to TMZ She called 911, gave a random person her driver’s licence, went home (need a mint?), came back, and called: Allstate… no, her manager… nope , her publicist… incorrect, John Hamm… guess again, She called the person you should always call after taking out a couple of parked cars, Mr. Iron Chef himself BOBBY FLAY. Next time I crash a car Sandra Lee better show up with a destroyed Saab themed table setting.

Okay so BOBBY FRIGGIN FLAY adds a whole new dimension of crazy to January’s hot mess blizzard. Now the randomness of him showing up did not go by unnoticed, and in doing some quick internet research it turns out that despite both of their protests that they had only met earlier that night at a party, someone has a picture of them together waisty faced in Las Vegas on Facebook, which can be seen here . LOVE IT. Now I am not one to make false accusations but it appears that these two have some sort of connection and I don’t think January is getting cooking lessons. I do have to question her taste (no pun intended), she looks like Grace Kelly, and could land any man on the planet, and Bobby Flay looks like an assistant manager at a Radio Shack, plus HE IS MARRIED!

Now cut to many months later and the night before one of the biggest news events of the decade, January  issues a statement that says basically, she’s with child, due in the fall and is looking forward to being a single mother. Now what is missing from that sentence, I know! Who contributed the sperm to her egg. Clever girl! She thought that nobody would notice that missing detail because the wedding of the decade was just hours away. Osama’s perfectly timed death must of sent her over the moon. Now the lack of any mention of a sperm donor did not slip by me! Oh No! I read that press release of joy and IMMEDIATELY went to the internet to investigate.

Now I knew that she was dating Jason Sudeikis from Saturday Night Live for a while but they broke up in January (the month), so he is only a possibility. Now my mind wonders back to the aforementioned car crash and BOBBY FLAY, gross, and me thinks there is a slight chance he put the bun in her oven (maybe he was giving her cooking lessons after all). Then, my intrepid research skills found a nugget of joy. She may or may not be/had been screwing JEREMY PIVEN link here. (Side note: this girl really has strange taste in men). So as you can see there are many possibilities as to who put the bun in that easy-bake oven.

Logic to me says that it’s probably Jason Sudeikis’s kid but I kinda hope that it is Bobby Flay’s because that would just make the story so much more fun, and that’s all that really matters. Also, I expect that being the master of hiding under major news stories, she pushes that baby out on 9/11/11. YOU JUST WATCH, I know I will be waiting with bated breath.

You can download her CD on iTunes here.

What is a hot mess? In my self-appointed professional opinion, the question really has no answer. The concept of the hot mess is like life, it just is, it always has and always will be. I have always been attracted to the hot messes in of our world. Discovering a new hot mess has the same thrill as finding a £20 note on the sidewalk.

A hot mess can be anything from a person, real or fictional (Jessica Simpson, Mallory Archer), to a band (Aqua) to a TV show (Absolutely Fabulous), to a car (Yugo), to an outfit (Jeggings), to an idea (Donald Trump for President). Side note: if there was ever a combination of all of those things I might have a coronary. Hot messes are more than just your average run of the mill train wreck (Charlie Sheen), they have to posses a certain Je ne sais quois that make them compelling and, despite their major flaws, lovable. and that special something is what makes a hot mess just perfect, without it you have nothing more than a Scion.

The concept of the hot mess has been prevalent throughout history. Nobody can argue that Eve wasn’t a little bit of a hot mess, running around naked and listening to a snake, dumb bitch. Another one of history’s hot messes is the whole “Dark Ages”, I mean what genius said “I know, lets forget everything we’ve learned since Greece and revert back to Cro-Magnon living.” Hello! you had INDOOR PLUMBING thats something y’all might want to keep.

The epitome of the concept of the “hot mess” of the last couple of years is without doubt Lindsay Lohan, but that is so obvious even that bitch knows who killed her (her mother, but that’s beside the point). But writing about what a mess Lindsay is is so boring, I much prefer to focus on the hot messes that tend to fly under the radar.

One recent example that, in my mind, gets ABSOLUTELY no attention what-so-ever is that Taylor Swift is a big old hot mess. I am so jealous of her, not for the quality or quantity of D that she gets, but for the fact that she gets to fuck her way through Seventeen magazine without anyone raising an eyebrow. People treat her like a Faberge egg, when she should have traffic cones around her lady business, lest anyone fall in.

Lets look at her resume: We start with Joe Jonas, Lucas Till (actor/model, googled it so you don’t have to) Taylor Lautner, John Mayer, Tobey Hemingway (actor/model see above), Corey Monolith (that’s not really his name but I call him that because he is very tall and reminds me of an Easter Island head), Jake Gyllenhaal, Chord Overstreet and now Garret Hedlund (guy from Tron), I’m sure there are many many more.

To me having a track record like this should put you in a category with Miss Hilton or Miss Lohan but because of those dopey songs and the innocent look on her face she is given a free pass. My best friend in high school wrote those same damn crap poems but was not clever enough to sing them. Someone needs to show that girl the safe-sex commercial that explains that when you have sex with someone, you are having sex with everyone they have had sex with. The main problem I have with Taylor Swift is that nobody calls her out on it. I mean JOHN MAYER, he has boned everything within a 10 mile radius of Hollywood.

People are more than happy to throw shade at Christina Aguilera for being over-served a couple of times a week, trading in her Hyundai of an ex-husband for a Maserati, and packing on a good 20, but I think Miss Swift is much MUCH worse. I feel like she sends out the message that its okay to slut it up as long as you don’t get caught, and if someone notices, write a sappy song about it and it’s all better.

This past weekend I lost my makeup bag that I carry with me. So not only did I lose my makeup, I lost an expensive bag, limited edition items and makeup brushes. I was talking to my sister about trying to replace my favorite items that aren’t available anymore. She told me about this store at the outlets called The Cosmetics Company. When she told me that they carry Mac I was surprised so naturally I had to go check it out. Last night I headed over to the store and was really impressed.

If you’re looking for brand new launches you aren’t going to find them. The store carriers previous collections months after they’re released. They also have a very limited selection standard face things like foundations and powders. However, they have an amazing and wide variety of limited edition items. Things from launches from two years ago in fact. I was able to replace one of the lip glosses that I lost. I was also able to get some things that I couldn’t afford when they were launched. I also saw some of the special stuff like the Fafi bags as well.

Some examples of my discovery:

• Morning, Noon & Knight Eye Brushes
  Retail: $49.50 - Outlet: $34.75
• 6 Sorceress Eye Shadows
  Retail: $36.00 - Outlet: $25.25
• Porcelain Pink Mineralize Skinfinish
  Retail: $27.00 - Outlet: $19.00
• Just Dessert Tricolour Lipglass
  Retail: $17.50 - Outlet: $12.25

Total Retail: $130.00
Total Outlet: $91.25
Total Savings:  $38.75

This place has a variety of brands, however, I can’t name them for you since I was on a Mac mission. If you’re looking for good quality makeup on a budget then this place is awesome. If you’re looking for some discontinued products then this place is a treasure trove! If you are interesed in finding a store near you check out Mall Seeker.

Dressing fashionably does not necessarily mean spending a fortune. By learning a few fashion tips, you’ll be able to come up with a terrific wardrobe and still save money while doing it. By taking advantage of what you already have in your closet, knowing when clothing fits properly and when it

doesn’t, and determining what pieces you need to enhance your current wardrobe, you can come up with incredible outfits without spending a lot of money.

CLOSET MAINTENANCE

Knowing what you have in your closet is extremely helpful when building a wardrobe. A nice thorough cleaning of your closet may produce items you didn’t know you already had.  Here are a few steps for you to consider when checking out your closet inventory:

1- TRY EVERYTHING ON

Take everything out closet and try it on. Look at it in the mirror and give yourself an honest, unbiased opinion. Carefully analyze every piece, and if it doesn’t fit or you think it doesn’t look good, get rid of it.

2- IF YOU HAVEN’T WORN IT FOR A YEAR, GET RID OF IT!

If you come across a piece in your wardrobe that you haven’t worn in over a year, ask yourself “Do I see myself wearing this within the next few months?”….be honest….and if the answer is no, then donate it or give it to a friend that might get more use out of it.

3- MAKE A DETAILED LIST OF “REPLACEMENTS”

After you have completed going through everything, it is time to make a list of items you need. When making this list, the first pieces you need to think about are your basics/classic items: white blouse, black pants, black skirt, perfect fitting jeans, so on and so forth. You can find a detailed list of what classic items every woman should have in her wardrobe online. And if you already have a sustainable collection of basics and classic pieces, sometimes all you need are a few fashionable accessories like jewelry, scarves, handbags, and shoes to enhance a classic look, which you can find at all of the local discount retailers like TJMax and Marshalls.

SMART SHOPPING

Here are some helpful tips when shopping on a budget and going out to find those key items you need in your wardrobe:

1- SALES PEOPLE

Become friendly with sales associates at stores you like to shop, or would potentially like to shop. They can be a wonderful source of information. They can help you with figuring out what styles fit your shape and which ones you need to stay away from. They can also tell when sales will be held and when final markdowns will be taken on merchandise. You may even be able to get someone to hold a special item for you until the sale happens.

2- ONLNE

If you have the time and the resources, take advantage of online shopping. Consider online auction sites for all your clothing needs. Hundreds of bargains are available everyday and look for sellers with a solid record of positive feedback. Online is also a great source in comparison shopping for online bargains, finding out major sales that are happening, and you can even get online and in-store coupons for certain stores.

3- CONSIGNMENT SHOPS and DISCOUNT RETAILERS

Take advantage of the incredible finds at consignment shops. There has been such an increase in the amount and success of consignments shops in the past few years and these stores are full of nearly new items that women have turned over to the store to sell, giving the sellers a percentage of the profit. These stores are particularly good source for dressy clothes or investing in accessories to complete a look. And you might also want to consider bringing in some of your own clothing or accessories to be put up for consignment, in this case you might be given a discount or trade in for an item you would like to purchase.

4- BUY AT THE END OF THE SEASON

Look for sales, especially at larger retailers, where the season’s merchandise is hugely discounted. In addition to the huge percentage discount they usually offer, stores may also run coupons for additional savings so you can walk away with huge savings.

As we all know, there are a lot of other things to spend your money on other than clothes. By taking advantage of what you already have in your closet, learning what fits and what doesn’t fit for your body type and your personal style, and knowing what you need to update your current wardrobe, where to find these items and by utilizing the steps I have previously gone over, you too can be a smart shopper and make the most out of a limited wardrobe.

You like surprises — way unexpected surprises — in your suspense thrillers? Read this book! Remember to breathe!

Rachel’s got a charmed life with a handsome, very successful husband, a surgeon. They’ve seemingly got it all — until Nick confesses to an affair. The couple slowly try to  rebuild their trust and it seems like things are going to be ok.

The story starts out with Rachel going on a trip to Rome  for work. Rachel’s trip to Rome with her longtime friend, Kit is the beginning of a strange change in the women’s friendship.While in Rome  Rachel has  one night affair of her own. When she leaves to head back home she hope what happened in Rome stays in Rome.  Shortly after returning and  getting  life with her husband back together though Rachel’s life is turned upside down by mysterious events.

The book has many plot twists and turns and ending you wont forget.

If  you like this book you will also like the other books by Laura Caldwell including  “The Good Liar” , “Burning the Map” and “The Year of Living Famously”

My biggest annoyance so far with this is the lack of multi tasking. What if I want to read something while listening to Pandora? Come on guys, y’all can do better. The fact that it’s pretty much running the iPhone OS is kind of lame. Sure its a good starting point for a tablet but you really really should have expanded on it. Multi tasking is a must and probably will be the main reason I don’t get one (although I secretly want one right now).

Another issue I have (until I see one in action) is the fact that I don’t think I’ll actually want to read a book on this thing. I have a Kindle (gen 1 infact) and I love the screen. I’ll be honest, I’ve downloaded a book or two as PDFs in the past. Reading a book on a computer screen is harsh on the eyes. I can see myself reading newspapers and magazines on it but when I sit to read a book I read for hours. I just don’t see myself sitting down that long with it reading. Then again, the screen could be ok for reading. We just don’t know yet. Plus depending on the price, even if I had one, I’d probably just use the Kindle app for iPhone. Which begs the questions, will they let Amazon put out an iPad specific app and would they be even interested in making one (they damned well should be)?

My last complaint, I swear, is the fact that it just looks like a giant iPod Touch. OS X looks so beautiful. There has to be a better solution for the tablet’s OS. Those icons are great for the limited space of the iPhone or iPod, but this tablet has some real estate since its much larger. There could be a much better option for icons. This last issue I have is kind of silly, I know, but I’m a graphic designer. I like pretty things and I just think Apple could do better.

Whether or not I get one is still up in the air. I will, however, get my hands on one for the sole purpose of a review. Even if that means sitting downtown in the Apple store for a few hours.

The book picks right back up where the last one, Hunted, left off (if you haven’t read the other five books I recommend reading them first). This book flips between the point of view of at least 5 of the characters within the story, but mainly focuses on Zoey and Stevie Rae’s point of view. In this book you find out more about the secrets Stevie Rae, Zoey’s undead best friend, has been keeping from her. This book will keep you drawn into it all the way to the end, and will leave you wanting more.

I recommend this series to anyone who likes fictional, paranormal, and Vampire books.

The first five books of The House of Night series in order.

Marked -Betrayed -Chosen -Untamed -Hunted